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We begin our film with Martin (or Mah'en, as Russell pronounces it in this movie.) He's a blind man. With the aid of his walking stick, he's taking a cut down an alley that runs behind an Italian restaurant. Guess who works as a dishwasher at this restaurant?
It's Russell Crowe! He can wash my dishes anytime. Then again, any man can wash my dishes anytime if he feels so inclined. But let's get back to the movie, shall we? Russell plays Andy, who is currently taking a smoke break on the stairs and throwing scraps to the neighborhood alley cat he has nicknamed Ugly.
As Martin walks past the restaurant, he stumbles and knocks over some crates onto said cat. When Andy comes to investigate, all he sees is Martin walking away, and an apparently Dead Ugly.
As a storm breaks, Martin makes it home. He begins to take off his wet clothes when he realizes his housekeeper is quietly sitting there watching him strip. This is Celia. Celia is a very strange character. We're supposed to get the idea that Celia has feelings for Martin, yet one of her favorite games is to place objects in the blind man's path that he will most certainly trip over. Martin, in turn, is rather cutting and cruel to Celia. This is love?
After throwing Celia out, Martin sits there and has a flashback to his childhood. Martin has serious Mother Issues. He believes that she resented his blindness and lied to him when describing the world to him. When she dies, he's convinced that the coffin is empty and she has simply abandoned him. This boy needs help. Speaking of help, when Mom dies, who takes in Little Martin? For that matter, what does Martin do for a living that allows him to live alone in a nice little house and have a housekeeper? We never see him at a job. Where's this money coming from?
Martin goes out for dinner that evening. It just so happens he goes to the same Italian restaurant where Andy works. Martin is unable to get the ditsy waitress's attention until he pours himself a glass of wine and intentionally misses, making a mess. Andy has witnessed this and finds it very amusing.
After work, Andy confronts Martin about killing Ugly. He takes him back to where the body of the cat is in the trash can. With his sensitive touch, Martin is able to tell that the cat is not really dead, so he and Andy take the critter to one of those convenient all night veterinarians. It is here where we learn that Martin, despite being blind, is an avid photographer. It is also here where we learn Andy suffers from the same malady as I do when it comes to getting our pictures taken with our eyes closed.
So Ugly is revived and a friendship is born. Some people may say that more than just a friendship develops between these two men, but I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to draw your own conclusions.
The next day Andy drops by the restaurant with the developed pictures. He asks Andy to describe each one in nine words or less, so Martin can make a label in Braille to put on the back of them. For Martin, this is his way of knowing that things are real. If it's in the picture where everyone can see it, then it really happened. He asks Andy if he will describe pictures on a regular basis for money, but Andy refuses to be paid.
Martin comes home to find Celia there baking a cake for herself because it's her 30th birthday. She says that once a female hits 30, she can no longer be called a girl. Celia then taunts Martin that he wouldn't know the difference between a girl and a woman. Is this a veiled suggestion that Martin is a virgin? Or is it a veiled suggestion that Martin doesn't give a flip to know the difference between a girl and a woman as that's not his bag? I leave it to you, dear reader, to decide. Celia has bought herself a satin blouse as a birthday present and invites Martin to touch the fabric. She uses this opportunity to force Martin to cop a feel. This is one whacky relationship.
Martin then goes for a walk in the park with his seeing eye dog Bill. This is a lovely park. So lovely, in fact, I believe it's the same park used in The Sum Of Us. It is while in the park that a curious event takes place. While Martin is snapping away with his camera, Bill disappears. Martin calls and calls for him. Finally the dog returns. Remember this, it will come into play later.
On another day, Martin and Andy have lunch while looking through pictures. Andy discovers a picture of Celia amongst the pile. This is the first time he's seen her. Martin talks about his housekeeper in contempt, but the more Andy stares at the picture, the more he's intrigued with Celia. She has cast some sort of spell over him. A voodoo curse is the only explanation for Andy's attraction to her. She's cold, plain looking, curt, humorless, manipulative . . . my goodness, I sound like Martin! Anyway, it is also during this lunch that Andy makes a suggestion of them going to a drive-in so Andy can describe the movie to Martin. Some people may say this sounds like a date, but I'll allow you, dear reader, to make up your own mind.
This is one of the funniest sequences in the film. At the drive-in, Martin and Andy are watching a horror movie. In between murders, Andy goes for snacks. Left on his own, a bored Martin begins to explore the car. He slides into the driver's side and the way he is angled it appears Martin is staring into the car beside him which is full of young punks.
Hey, that one particular punk . . . he looks familiar. Why, it's Davey from Romper Stomper, and he's got hair! What a small world, eh? Davey, er Young Punk, doesn't like Martin staring at him and gives him the finger. It's right at that moment that Martin finds a package of condoms and is holding them up trying to figure out what they are. To the punk, this looks like Martin is hitting on him. Hmm, homosexual overtones. Who would have thought?
Outraged, the punks begin to attack the car. This is when Andy returns. Although hopelessly outnumbered, Andy valiantly rushes to the defense of his . . . friend.
Andy jumps into the passenger side of the car and attempts to steer the car from that side. As they race out of the drive-in, they pass a police car. The cops catch up to them to signal them over. Martin accidentally hits the gas instead of the brake and rams their car into the back of the patrol car. It looks like curtains for Our Heroes. But wait! Martin begins crying out, "My eyes! I can't see!" Brilliant, Martin.
At a hospital's emergency room where they're being treated for their injuries, one of the policemen somberly informs Andy that his mate has been blinded. Andy is just barely able to keep a serious face at this announcement. Yet in another examination room, Martin and a doctor have the following exchange:
"You've been blind all your life."
"I know."
"What were you doing driving a car?"
"I forgot."
As the pair reminisce about the evenings events, they fall into a giggle fit that has to be experienced. There are no words to describe here what Russell sounds like when he giggles hysterically. When they calm down, Martin invites Andy in for a nightcap. While enjoying a small glass of port, Martin reveals his Serious Mother Issues and his paranoia about his mother lying to him. He also makes reference to a picture he may one day ask Andy to describe to him, as it is the most important picture he's ever taken. When he was a child his mother was describing to him what was going on outside their window. Martin didn't believe her and used his brand new camera (which he had asked for) to take a picture of the outside. The picture is the proof of whether his mother had indeed lied to him or not.
We then see Celia snooping through packets of Martin's pictures. It's here when she first starts to see bits and pieces of Andy. Literally, bits and pieces. An elbow in this picture, an eye in that one. She puts the pictures together to make a neat looking composite of this new man in Martin's life. She doesn't have to wait long, though, to meet this mystery man as Andy drops by to see if Martin is home. Celia gives him a cool reception, but Andy is still under her Dark Powers and finds her intriguing. She finally tells him that Martin is in the park walking Bill.
Andy finds Martin in the park taking pictures. Before Andy can say anything, Bill the Dog leaves Martin's side and walks past Andy. Andy looks behind him to see Celia sitting on a park bench. She's the answer to the mystery of Bill's disappearance. She's trained Bill to come to her, where she gives the dog a treat and gets a grip on the animal's collar. Martin calls for Bill, but Bill can't come. Andy sees what she is doing yet says nothing. Determined to figure the mystery out, Martin begins to take systematic pictures of the area around him. When he aims the camera to where Celia, Bill and Andy are, Andy attempts to dive out of the shot, but he doesn't make it.
Later, Celia stops by the chemist (what we Americans would call the pharmacy) and picks up Martin's latest pictures. When she gets to the house, she finds Andy there. Martin introduces Andy and announces "We're going out." On a date. No, he doesn't say that last part, but your brain automatically adds it on. Neither Andy nor Celia make any mention that they've met before. Martin tells Andy about Bill's baffling disappearances and asks Andy to describe the pictures to see if there's any explanation in them. The first picture, what we'll call The Picture, plainly shows Celia holding Bill's collar as Andy dives for cover behind a tree. But Andy lies to Martin, saying Bill is playing with another dog. Andy has lied to cover Celia's tail. He's starting to turn to the Dark Side.
On another day, while Martin is on the toilet reading, Celia barges in with a camera and takes a picture of him. She uses this picture as blackmail material to make Martin go out one evening with her. They attend a concert, and surprisingly Martin enjoys himself. Since Celia has been tolerable this evening, he agrees to go home with her for a cup of tea.
At Celia's, we discover her obsession with her employer, as her living room is covered with pictures she's taken of Martin when he didn't know it. Celia had been on the right track with a nice evening out and a simple snack, but then she gets too aggressive with Martin and frightens him. He runs out of her place, but the area is unfamiliar to him. Celia catches up to Martin in the car and drives him home. Alone in his bedroom, we see Martin break down and cry. Is he crying because he's afraid to be intimate with a woman and let his guard down? Or is he crying because he's confused about his sexual orientation? You choose.
Andy drops by Martn's house, but yet again Martin isn't home. Celia is and invites Andy to see Martin's bedroom. This is where she says the cryptic line "I think he loves you," right before she seduces him.
After his quickie with Celia, Andy locates Martin in the park. (The filmmakers must really love this park.) Martin reveals that he trusts Andy, but Andy quickly warns him that maybe he shouldn't.
Martin takes Bill to the vet for a checkup. Celia has left a little surprise for him. She's slipped The Picture under Bill's collar, where the vet finds it. Martin feels the label, which says it is a picture of Bill playing with a small dog, but the vet corrects him. It's of Bill with a woman and Martin's friend. Martin now knows Andy has lied to him.
Andy and Celia are getting it on hot and heavy on Martin's couch when Martin comes home. Martin asks who's there, to which Celia replies it's just her. Andy then makes a silly move by getting dressed rather loudly and trying to sneak past Martin, who's hearing is excellent. Caught, Andy confesses that he and Celia are in love. You can tell by Celia's expression that this is news to her. Feeling betrayed, Martin throws both of them out.
Celia takes Andy back to her place for a cup of tea. Andy sees all the pictures of Martin and realizes he's been used. The Cold Witch of Down Under smugly informs Andy, "He won't forgive you. Not now." Andy storms out.
Meanwhile, Martin visits the grave of his mother. As a child he convinced himself it was an empty grave, but now he's starting to let go of his Serious Mother Issues.
A calmer, more self assured Martin confronts Celia. To her surprise, Martin apologizes for the way he's treated her. In his next breath he fires her. Good riddance, Celia!
Poor Andy, pining away over his lost . . . friend, desides to make the first move and goes to Martin's house. The two talk about truth and trust.
Martin invites Andy in and gets out the important photograph he had
once mentioned. Andy describes what's in the photo, which is exactly what
Martin's mother had told him all those years ago. (BTW, you never see the
picture.) As Andy leaves to go to work, Martin says he may come to the
restaurant tomorrow evening, will Andy be there. Andy assures him he will
be, and so they slowly begin to repair their . . . friendship.